The Saucy Flapdragons are:

Sarah Rolph- Vocals and impressive frontage
Geoff Peckham- Bass, vocals, chapeaux
Steve Hayman- Drums, vocals, bad jokes, tea
Mark O’Hara- Guitar, vocals, weight problem
Simon Anckorn- Keyboards, vocals, mid-life crisis
Brian Wiseman- Guitar, vocals, attitude

 


 
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Sarah Rolph: Vocals 
Sarah is the baby and babe of the band. She is so hip she needed a new one, but her other assets are as nature provided.

Normally encased in tight black leather, she struts her stuff much to the delight of men of a certain age and has been repelling the ardent advances of Simon Cowell for some years now.  Dream on Simon.

One of the side effects of her lung capacity is a voice which could stop a herd of rampaging wildebeest crossing the Serengeti and she can sing too! Many of the band's songs are older than she is, but this doesn't stop her from making them her own. As her reputation has grown, contract rider demands have become more diva-like, now including baths of asses milk and a flunkey to fan her at all times on stage.  Lately Sarah has shown an alarming propensity to stage dive, which has led to some unfortunate audience injuries.
 

 
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Geoff Peckham: Bass, vocals
Geoff is a leading light in the Plumpton wife-swapping scene, now only needing a wife in order to be allowed to join.  

A well known musical trailblazer, Geoff was a founder member of prog rock pioneers Factory who recently reformed to re-record their seminal debut album, which broke all records when the entire audience was asleep before the end of track 1.

Geoff also owns and sports a wide variety of traditional hats, from his outrageous French beret, to an astronaut's helmet, which he wears while singing Space Oddity, but which is completely soundproof- something of a drawback.  

As accomplished a musician as Geoff is, he is frequently embarrassed by the abilities of Ros and Ned.  In order to obtain any public recognition at all, Geoff was forced to set up his own open mic session, where he can limit his family's exposure.

 

 
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Steve Hayman: Drums, vocals
The elder statesman of the Flapdragons, Steve is neither statesmanlike, nor does he act his age.  He was recently expelled from the Theatre Royal, when he arrived in full Rocky Horror stockings and suspenders.  The management decided that his dress was not appropriate for a childrens' performance of Cinderella. 

In his spare time, Steve runs a local building contractor which has been in business since 1936, coincidentally the same year Steve first joined a band and the approximate age of most of his one-liners with which he subjects each audience to.

Steve recently went on tour to India to "find himself".  He was deported a week into the trip.  Apparently the Rocky Horror outfit wasn't appropriate for the Taj Mahal or the holy temple at Amritsar either.
 

 
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Mark O’Hara- Guitar, vocals
No one really knows where Mark came from. He just turned up one day and no one had the heart to tell him to bugger off.

This has hampered the band's progress at every turn. His voice is a cross between Lee Van Cleef and William Shatner although he does possess perfect pitch, always singing exactly one semitone out of tune. His dress sense is lamentable and his sense of rhythm totally absent, which can be a drawback for guitarists. He does know every lyric to every song recorded in the 1970s, which can make him a useful pub quiz team member, but his rockstar aspirations are frankly pathetic. At his 50th party a while back, he was successfully upstaged by all three of his children, who showed him how it should be done.

Mark ploughs on regardless however, preferring to believe that if he hides behind the talent of others, no one will notice.  It seems to have worked so far.  Apparently you CAN fool some of the people all of the time!
 

 
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Simon Anckorn: Keyboards, vocals
Simon joined the Saucy F|lapdragons, following successful stints as Liberace, Elton John and Billy Joel.  A fantastic musician in every respect, witty, intelligent, virile and in many ways a perfect renaissance man.  Except that he is an estate agent.

As with all male members of the band, Simon is batting well up the order in that he tricked the beautiful Judy into marrying him, even though his internet dating profile described him as "pristine, compact and bijou".

In his spare time, Simon runs the Hurstpierpoint music festival each year and runs away from angry mobs looking for estate agents to lynch.
 

 
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Brian Wiseman: Guitar
Brian has the rock star looks, the rock star hairstyle, the rock star designer stubble and Brian has not one, but two Flying Vs. As penis substitutes go, there are none better and Brian makes full use of the raw sexual energy that strapping on a V gives him.

A retail magnate by day, by night he is transformed into a veritable rock god- men want him and women want to be him.

If you look closely during a gig, Brian uses no pedals or technical trickery- just a guitar, his trusty Rivera amp and some electricity. There is no sound Brian can't get and his blistering solos give the band a dimension not available to many bands who don't have a Page, May or Clapton to call on. In a cruel twist of irony, Brian is almost entirely deaf, having battered his ears into submission over the years, so he has no idea how good he is.
 

 
MATT and DJ, crew
These are the guys who make sure the show goes on. They get there before the band, set the sound and lights up, make the band sound and look good, especially a challenge in Mark's case, provide music in the breaks and then put it all away again afterwards. A thankless task which they carry out with good humour and patience, never snapping when someone forgets to plug something in or points a mic directly at a speaker. And all for a packet of custard creams.  Couldn't do it without them!