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STOP PRESS! It’s that time of year again and the people of Plumpton are bracing themselves for another invasion of seasonal sex tourists, as the Saucy Flapdragons gather for their now-customary Christmas party. The festivities will kick off on Friday 21 December at the Winning Post, whose landlord Andy really should know better by now.

The mistletoe will be hung and so will the bass player as he fights off the ardent attentions of the Ardingly branch of the WI, who claim he has fathered most of their public school-educated offspring.

To celebrate 50 years of the Rolling Stones, the local Hells Angels chapter has been invited to provide door security and there will be special guest appearances by anyone with an ounce of talent who we can blackmail into coming.




NEXT GIG

Friday 21 December
Winning Post, Plumpton
All Welcome


The Saucy Flapdragons are officially the most fun you can have with your clothes on. According to the British Skin Foundation, regular application can reduce visible signs of ageing, resolve the Middle-East crisis and provide a credible Plan B for the government's economic strategy.

Faced with accusations that the band was "overhyped", impressario Simon Cowell insisted that there was no reason why the Flapdragons could not carry on their meteoric rise and outsell the Beatles. Cowell commented "The Saucy Flapdragons are living proof that if you get the chemicals right anything is possible".

Between world tours, new album releases, artistic differences and live sessions on Radio 4, the hardest working band since Spinal Tap are still available for private parties, weddings and corporate events. So if you think you're cool enough, your flares wide enough and your platforms high enough, maybe you should book the Saucy Flapdragons. Oh go on. Please.