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STOP PRESS! Despite the public outcry caused last year, the Flapdragons will be hosting their now-traditional Christmas knees up on Saturday 21 December. The unlucky venue is the Fountain public house, where Jason the landlord has ordered extra cocoa and door security in case the bingo ladies try to gatecrash. So if you wish to thumb your nose at polite society, put on your loosest underpants and head on down to the Fountain, where we will dance the night away in true festive spirit. Apart from Brian who will preen and gurn through his solos in normal rock god pose. Sarah has been growing her heaving bosom especially for the occasion and Steve has obtained an extra supply of sennapods.
There is the threat of special guests and nudity will be encouraged unless it’s too cold.

Be there or be an equilateral rhomboid.


Sat 21 Dec:
The Fountain, Station Road, Plumpton Green, BN7 3BX - all welcome

The Saucy Flapdragons are officially the most fun you can have with your clothes on. According to the British Skin Foundation, regular application can reduce visible signs of ageing, resolve the Middle-East crisis and provide a credible Plan B for the government's economic strategy.

Faced with accusations that the band was "overhyped", impressario Simon Cowell insisted that there was no reason why the Flapdragons could not carry on their meteoric rise and outsell the Beatles. Cowell commented "The Saucy Flapdragons are living proof that if you get the chemicals right anything is possible".

Between world tours, new album releases, artistic differences and live sessions on Radio 4, the hardest working band since Spinal Tap are still available for private parties, weddings and corporate events. So if you think you're cool enough, your flares wide enough and your platforms high enough, maybe you should book the Saucy Flapdragons. Oh go on. Please.